It hurts

This is a rant.

If you’re looking for a content full blog post, today is not the day.

I was dating ‘Confused Soul’ for almost 4 years with break up every alternate days. We were way too serious.

Last year we had a serious break up and we were done, when he cheated. We connected few months ago, again. Love doesn’t go anywhere after a break up, right!

My best friend and office friend banged their head when they knew that I am talking to him again. I knew myself, that it is the wrong decision, but I couldn’t control but talk to him. There was a weird satisfaction in talking to him.

The glory days didn’t last long, even this time. He started insulting and accusing me all over again for ‘having friends’ … He accused me of being a ‘sl%t’ because I have guy friends.

‘How could he do that?’ Is what every girl would think in such situations, but me, I am used to it. He never liked me being friends with guys and I love my friends.

There was a time when I lost all my friends just because I cancelled on them everytime because he didn’t like it… How dumb of me!

Anyway, after hours of accusations and insults, I told him, we can’t do it and he can’t come back to my life saying sorry like this time. In tears while writing so, I hit the send button and shoved my face in the pillow and cried.

I couldn’t have bunked office, because staying at home and crying in front of my mom wasn’t an option. I couldn’t have cried at work also, given the fact that I have a ‘tomboyish’ girl reputation.

On my way back home, the cab driver played his entire romantic collection and eventually, I laid down and cried. The tears are the tears of anger.

I know it’s over and it hurts.

The feeling of loneliness, hurts.

The fact that I won’t have him back, hurts.

The fact that I loved a ‘fu%k boy’, hurts.

The fact it hurts so much, that I can’t even say the exact feelings to anyone, hurts!