It is a Wednesday morning and I woke up early with a bad rahther worst tummy pain. It could be because of the excessive dinner I had or maybe the extra Christmas treats, I have been secretly having. Either way, this tummy isn’t going to let me sleep.
Someone on Facebook, recently asked me, “Why did you even start blogging at the first place?” Now with the upset tummy and no sleep, I decided to write about this.
Disclaimer: This is a SUPER LONG Post!!!
>> Why did I start blogging?
As a teenager, I was a lone wolf aka loner aka sad and depressed teenager. I was disturbed for most of the time because I was bullied at school and ignored in college. These were the extremes for me.
I was the most popular in school for being the ‘Fat’ girl who was average in Maths and Science and used to get full marks in English (The teacher did deduct half marks because, they cannot give full marks in Language). I was bullied for being fat and average (read it as Dumb) in the popular subjects.
In college, I was popularly ignored because I think they considered me as a ‘Snob’ who knows English. People ignored me maybe for the fact that I could converse in English more than the other students in college.
Either way, I was really in a very bad phase and tormented that I didn’t have people to confide in (except for Shrabani, who was back then a ‘College Classmate aka another lone wolf and pretty tormented herself’). As a teenager, I did blame my genetics as I wasn’t able to lose weight and being fat was really a big deal for me.
To top all of my own miseries and inferiority complex, my dad abandoned me and my mother and brother; which made me feel worse, given the fact that he was my Hero (By the way, this is a the reason I am scared of Commitments).
As a school kid (when my father actually left us), I used to write personal diaries and tore the pages later, so that my mom didn’t read them. They were raw and exactly how I felt at the time. When I entered college, I was fascinated by the uses of Internet and I found out this ‘BLOG thing’ through my cousin, who at the time used to blog. She was undoubtedly the best blogger of her time.
I started off blogging on Blogspot, while I was in college to let out all my emotions. The blog was completely secret and it was my online personal diary. My mom couldn’t read it because, she was in hospital for a year trying to rehabilitate from paralysis and she was not an Internet genius at the time.
In 2011, I was quite on the Internet and came to know about WordPress. The other bloggers were ‘migrating’ their blog to WordPress and I told myself, “I should do exactly what the crowd wants me to.”
Back in the day, I used to love writing down poems and short posts during my Economics lecture in college. Yeah, I was the poetic kind of girl and I did a pretty good job, I think. I will share some of my poems at the end.
On WordPress, I was getting bolder and bolder and kept my blog Public. I could see people reading my blog posts and following my blog, it was an achievement in itself.
I used to read my own posts and pat myself, as I nailed the emotions every effing time. My first reader was my best friend Shrabani aka The Lost Soul. I guess she understood me and blog posts so well because she was going through the similar phase as me.
Anyway, this is how I started blogging from Personal Diary posts to a Proper ‘To do lists’ kind of blog.
This might not answer the question asked, but I guess the idea is clear!!!
I do thank my tormented mind and chaotic soul that makes me write a decent post which actually makes sense (most of the time, I hope).
In a nutshell, I started blogging because:
- I was lonely, single, neglected, bullied
- I was abandoned by my father
- I was depressed and had absolutely no friends
- I loved writing essays in school and it made me feel closer to my dad (He trained me to write essays and I nailed it every time)
- Lastly, there’s nothing else I can do better than writing
Ahhh!!! That’s a long post and therapeutic one (for me). I guess it’s time to get ready and go to work (a place I hate, by the way, but it pays!)
Oh yeah, the poems I referred to are below and please don’t laugh because those were the poems of a young girl and I deliberately tried to rhyme and one of them didn’t even rhyme (I believe), some are really funny and naive and yeah I guess you’ll can make fun of it, whatever!!!
The collection’s here: https://chaoticsoulzzz.wordpress.com/category/poem/
Keep Blogging! Keep Reading! Love Thyself!