“I am fine!” she said when all of them asked her about the incident that happened at work. Maya wasn’t fine, not a dime!
The Deputy Manager at work was picking on her for irrational reasons and making her life a living hell. She needed the job and she was scared, not because work was difficult, but because, she might just retaliate to this deputy manager and lost her job.
“Ahhhh! I can’t breathe!” she hummed those words while crying in the cab after her shift. In the two-hour journey from work to home, she cried without anyone knowing about it. She wasn’t good at it – at crying without making the noise! But she did it anyway.
She was hurt. Her self-respect, pride and ego were all shattered to the level that she couldn’t feel the emotional pain anymore. She wanted to sulk and cry, but didn’t want the others to see how vulnerable she is.
She replayed the entire episode of her work day in her head. She was devastated and for the first time she cried so bad. She realised that even her break-up didn’t trigger this hurt that she was going through now. The deputy manager questioned her writing skills so bad that, it made her look like a fool.
She is a leader and he made sure he is making her look low in front of her team, for something that she is good at. She is a writer who worked in a call centre to earn the living.
Maya was well known to take abrupt decisions in life that made sure she is in deep shit, every single time.
Maya was known to be the one who they called as a ‘Loser’ when it comes to retaining a 9 to 5 job. She hated working, but she was the best. She knew the work in and out, but her decisions of choosing herself before taking shit from anyone at work always made her the ‘Absconder’.
While crying in the cab and making sure that none of the others notice her crying, she wrote 3 paragraphs of how bad she felt to her Assistant Manager. She had taken a decision, yet again. She decided to give up her position as a mentor / leader and maybe in a week submit a resignation.
“What???” was the reaction of every person who knew she had taken the decision, including her Assistant Manager, they were all shocked. People wondered why she was such an extremist.
This time Maya was sure of her decision, because they didn’t make her do the extra hours, they instead doubted her skills, the one thing that she was proud of. She was hurt not because she believed in them, but because, how someone can doubt her writing skills.
She cried the whole day and woke up with swollen eyes. She was determined that she can let some man make her doubt her own skills.
Since she was in school, Maya sucked at Maths, Science and other subject, the only thing she was best at was English Writing. As a kid, she was known as a ‘Dumb’ person because she was not so great academically and she always agreed with the society that she is dumb, but she also knew that she has the magic in her words and she can create stories with the blink of the eye.
Her sadness was turned to frustration and irritation by the time, the day came to an end. She cried in intervals and the thought of, “Am I actually dumb?” came to her. She laughed with her family and best friend but deep inside, she cried. She wanted to yell and hurt herself.
Her depression had hit the peak by now and she could only see the darkness, the worst was, she saw the darkness within her.
What happened next? Let’s know about that next week, shall we?
The Chaotic Soul 