As girls or women, whom are we attracted to the most?
Most of us are attracted to Bad Boys. Very few of us get attracted to that Geek in the class on the first bench. All we like is the one who bunks the lectures and sits outside the college, with a cigarette in his hand and with those killer looks. He might wear a faded jeans and a super cool t-shirt with a sleeveless jacket on it. He might be High half the time from whatever he consumes (no comments on that). Moral of the story: The guys usually girls fall for are the Bad boys.
Well guys do the same thing, don’t they? They like the girls who are the top bunkers, smokes with the guys and at times even get high. Would I call them bad girls? I don’t know! I never fell into that category as a student but as a working girl, yes I do fall under that category. I am bad girl now, but I am not a very bad girl. Okay let’s not discuss about a girl being bad or not. I would say that I am not a nice girl for sure.
My paternal family thinks, my first cousin is a Bad girl, because she is a rebel, while they think I am on the way of being a bad girl, because I started rebelling lately. We are just two girls in the family, me being the youngest. My cousin is in the UK and is happy in a live-in relationship with her partner. What’s the problem? For me, that’s not a problem. I am happy for her. But the only problem that my relatives have is: ‘It would have been ok if D would have been in love with some Non-Bengali, but this guy is not even an Indian!’ My mom told me this after she came from her too short trip to my dadu’s place (her in-law’s house). This was what was discussed by my aunts and my mom. My mom being the good listener in the family, just listens and at times it gets on my nerves.
My aunts don’t have daughters; they are all proud mothers of intelligent sons. I guess I have mentioned about it earlier, I don’t remember though. Anyway, my paternal aunts (dad’s sisters) have sons, who are all engineers, actually except one, one of them is still in his tenth grade, but he will be an engineer too. Except for the tenth grade cousin, all are in the US; he will be there in the next five years. I love my cousins. No hard feelings for them or my aunts but what makes me sad is that my aunts are too over protective about us. By ‘us’ I mean, me and my cousin sister.
I and my mom had a heated argument on the topic of my sister being in love with an English Man.
It started off this way,
Ma: to some extent I believe, your Pishi’s (paternal aunts) are correct. Imagine, D is not in India and now she says she loves some man from the UK.
Me: But Ma, it is D Didi’s life. If she thinks she loves Mr. E, then she loves him and why is it not being liked by the family…!
Ma: Mita, you are thinking the way a youngster would. But we are mothers, we care for our children and we all care for D.
Me: Fair enough ma. But when D Didi is happy with Mr. E, then I guess no one should have a problem… Being a mother, what would make you happy – Your children’s happiness right? So she is happy!
Ma: but Mita, he is not even from India. He is from London. We don’t know about him. And god knows if he would really marry him or no. they have been living together.
Me: Don’t you think we are over thinking. Mr. E is a nice guy. I have met him (on Skype). He seems to love D Didi a lot. And about D Didi, she loves him. They make a good pair. She gets the citizenship of UK after marrying him. I get a brother-in-law from the UK. (Wink). Ma, tell me something, do you think her mother has any problems with it? No she doesn’t. When she doesn’t why the hell do you’ll have. She is happy, her mother is happy and Mr. E is happy. Let them be.
Ma: HE IS NOT AN INDIAN. How can D marry someone who is not from this country? Look at R Brothers (my eldest aunt’s sons). Big R married the girl his mother decided, that too from India and a Bengali Brahmin. And younger R, he did a love marriage but with an Indian, not a Bengali but everyone accepted her right!
Me: Ma, Big R Dada married T Boudi (sister-in-law) because he was getting old and bald. And younger R Dada and S Boudi’s marriage was a real quick marriage because they were deeply in love. And he wouldn’t have married anyone else. And Ma the truth is S Boudi is an American. Her parents are Indian. But she was born there. She is an American just that her skin color is like yours and mine.
Ma: You don’t know anything (Fuming by now)
Me: Ma, tell me would you say yes if I bring my boyfriend home who is a Non-Bengali, maybe a non-Hindu but an Indian?
Ma: Hmmm… Of Course not!
Me: See, exactly my point. If D Didi would have been in love with a Non- Hindu guy would anyone be happy? No! No one would! She is happy… very happy… and we should be happy for her.
Ma: Whatever, let’s make dinner.
Like all the other conversations or arguments with my mom, even this one was incomplete. No one accepts their defeat but again my point would be the same, how does it matter if we love someone who is not an Indian. I have always wanted to fall in love with a Russian or an Italian or as a matter of fact a Brit. My mom would then say yes, if I am totally and deeply in love with my Mr. Foreigner, but now when it’s not about her daughter, she has an opinion. Same goes with my Aunts, they comment on this because their sons are Good boys and are going to get married to someone who is an Indian. I think what’s the use of falling in love in the US or UK when you have to fall in love with an Indian. For that you can just fall in love, in India.
I know there’s a generation gap here for sure, but again, when D Didi’s own mom is not having a problem with this why is it affecting my mom and aunts.
Okay I have sidetracked from the topic (as usual), but this has gone on in my head for a long long time. Anyway I guess I would be able to connect both the scenarios. I don’t have an option though.
So why it is that, men usually get attracted to not that nice girl in a wrong way? Maybe for the same reasons, why we women get attracted to the bad men – but do we get attracted to them in a wrong way?
I have been a ‘Not-So-Nice-Girl’ over the years actually since the last two years. My mother still feels, I am a nice girl. She is a mother. Not something that I am proud of, but if I compare my life now and my life then, this is fun. This is more me.
Initial Mita (Nice Girl):
I used to wear clothes decided by my daddy.
I used to study, when my MA asked me to.
I used to introduce all my friends to my mom. I had only two or three friends though.
I never used the F Word. Or any other swears words as a matter of fact.
I never asked for anything.
I never spoke at a social gathering. I was QUIET.
I was well behaved.
Drinking was a sin.
Having a boyfriend was WRONG.
Talking to guys or girls who are in a relationship – was a BIG NO-NO!
My bags were packed and organized.
I never wore sleeveless.
I never used to watch an A Rated movie unless my daddy convinced my mom to let me watch it. (He was cool, and this was his way of educating kids)
Today’s Mita (not that nice girl):
I go shopping by myself.
I read only romantic love stories.
I have some friends, whom my mom doesn’t know.
My morning starts with the F Word. And I call my best friend “Bitch” when I meet her.
I still never ask for anything, I just do it.
My relatives decided to keep their silence when I am around as I am always ready for a heated debate. And my mom is tired of me talking too much at home. I guess my friends are tired too… I gues my readers are tired too…. Whatever!
I am overly behaved now. Sophistically behaved! And I love the BEHAVE that I expect everyone around me to BEHAVE.
Drinking is fun. And getting drunk and acting like a retard is Awesome.
I don’t have a serious relationship – boyfriend, but have many boyfriends as a matter of fact.
Talking to guys or girls who get on my nerves is a big NO-NO.
I don’t know why I need such a big bag. I don’t know, what’s where!
I only wear sleeveless.
I watch only Hollywood movies that are usually A Rated.
I know all these things don’t make me a bad girl, for some I am very good and some even call me Saint. But I am devil, really. Just that I don’t hurt anyone with my devilish skills. Being happy is not bad but being happy on our own terms is considered bad. I know I am attractive enough to attract any guy, but the point is it’s always LUST that guys look in for. Obviously I don’t give those wrong signals, but for some reasons it’s always a little less than Love that I get from the guys. And when this happens, I have to dump the guy before anything even starts.
An ex guy friend once told me, “It’s okay to be in a casual relationship.” I thought a lot and then I told myself, that I love the casual relationship thing because I have seen them in Rom- Com, where at the end it was true love. But in reality if I be in a casual relationship, it might just be casual – always. i have always fallen for the wrong and bad boys, they are attractive and hot. But they all are commitment phobic, like me. Obviously things don’t turn the way we need it to.
One simple thing that, I remember from school is: Opposites attract. I am a commitment phobic, so if my partner is a commitment phonic – we will repel. But, if he is strong enough to believe in us, we might just be the couple celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary someday.
On this note, I would like to wish you all a busy and cool week ahead. I have to go to work just for the next three days and then I have holiday for Four F**king days… I tell you US holidays are good as it falls before the weekends, which makes it a Long Weekend.
- Things you would notice about a Bengali… (chaoticsoulzzz.wordpress.com)
- Matrimonial Bliss – Everywhere! (chaoticsoulzzz.wordpress.com)
- Tour – De- Mumbai (Durga Puja 2012) (chaoticsoulzzz.wordpress.com)
- Beautiful Things that Connect You Deeply (anchalproject.wordpress.com)
- Romance killed by Technology (chaoticsoulzzz.wordpress.com)
- Is It Ever Okay to Date A Married Man? (clutchmagonline.com)
- Kojagari Lakshmi Puja 2012 – I (aditimitra.wordpress.com)
- ‘His family seems a bit traditional type.I googled “how to behave with in laws after marriage in India.’ (indianhomemaker.wordpress.com)
- What Kind Of Girls Do You Like? (theawl.com)
- A family affair (justcallmegertie.wordpress.com)