Okay, so I am foodies, which is good but what a disaster is, I am an Emotional Eater and a Sleeper (I wonder if the sleeper is a right word for someone who sleeps all day or ‘can’ sleep all day. Who cares, you get the emotion in it). Food is the love of my life since, I was a child. Even as a child when my mom and dad entered the house from work the first thing I would do is check their shopping bags and search for something edible. I used to then flash a baby smile to them once I found my chocolate, apple or something to eat actually anything to eat. Even now, when I ma at home and my mom comes from work, I ask her, ‘did you bring something to eat?’ I can eat all day long, not literally but yeah I can eat till I am fully satisfied.
I have spent my school life crying over my weight. I used to cry at home with a packet of chips in my hand and say, ‘why can’t I be as thin as those girls in my school?’ ‘Crunch’ another chip goes inside me as I am crying over my weight. Ironically my mom always used to crib about putting on some weight so that she looks like a mother of two. Actually she always looks like she is a mother of my younger brother because he has that baby face and is just 18, but when my mom says, “this is my daughter” people have that funny smile and weird look on their face as if they are eager to ask questions like: ‘is she adopted?’ ‘Is she your daughter, REALLY?’ ‘Is this by any chance your step daughter?’ GOD! My mother always believed that I would never lose weight and still believes that – so she used to pray to God and munch on junk food and lots of food just to put on weight and look like a mother of 22, but to her grief, she never put on weight. How lucky she is! I put on weight even if I think about food.
When I was 16, obviously in college – trust me I have been the happiest unless I saw girls around my crush to be super slim and tall. I told God, ‘why didn’t you make me slim and tall, at least you could have made me taller.’ Remember the poem – ‘I am teapot – short and stout’? I used to feel some pet must’ve written that poem keeping me in mind. When I turned 18, I told myself, ‘Mita, you look good and cute because you’re fat’ and then I had the biggest Crush of my life, who still is my hottest crush. Again the craze for losing weight came to me and I put on some more weight instead of losing weight. Why? -Because I am an emotional eater.
What makes me an emotional eater?
EVERYTHING. I am happy, I eat with a smile. I am sad, I eat with a tear in my eye – actually with tears and sobs and hiccups. I am excited; I eat with the nail biting feeling. I am depressed; I eat with my eyes staring at one place. Unlike all the other emotional eaters I don’t eat only when I am sad – I eat with all the emotions. I love justice and I do justice with all my emotions.
Once I had a fight at home and left my home with my debit card and mobile. I took out cash and purchased a pack of chips and two big dairy milks and sat on a bench of the temple and looked at people and kept munching on. I then looked at the gym just opposite to the temple and told myself: ‘I will join this gym for sure.’, and then I opened my chocolate bar and kept on relishing it, unless it came to an end.
Am I an Obese?
My doctor had said, ‘beta you are an obese.’ I laughed back at him and said, ‘Doctor Uncle Stop talking like me – full on exaggeration Haan. I know I am fat but I am not an obese.’ He looked at me with a stern doctor face and repeated what he said earlier and I had that typical Hindi Cinema Reaction of ‘Nahiiiiiiiii’ my doctor told me, ‘Beta, take care of your health. Stop eating the food you eat; rather eat what I ask you to.’ Like a good patient I had told him, ‘Okay!’ I saw the list of things he asked me to eat and then told myself: ‘It’s month end – I can’t afford these.’ I had let go that prescription and tried never to feel ill, so that I don’t have to face my doctor again. In that year things happened that had forced me to leave my mom and stay with my Dadu. One year away from home, gave me the figure to what I dreamt of (somewhat). But I felt good, that I have reduced.
I went to my doctor; he told me that I am perfectly healthy again. After a year, I was back at home and boom. My weight was again flourishing (negativity here – I was putting on weight – again!). Not my fault. It is known as Maa ka Pyaar. Well, I did lose weight again later, when I joined the free gym facility in my previous office but my new workplace doesn’t have the facility.
What makes me an Emotional Sleeping Beauty?
I am a replica of my Grandmother. So I would blame her for all my eating and sleeping habits. She sleeps when she fights with Dadu. She sleeps when she is ill. She sleeps when she feels good. She sleeps when she is not cooking. I am the same. I sleep when I fight at home or with friends. I sleep when I am happy. I sleep when I want to fantasize about a guy. I sleep when I am broke and got no extra money for my chips and chocolates. I sleep when my brother is sitting on the PC and I can’t write. Basically, if I am not at work or not eating – I sleep.
In all, I am an emotional eater and sleeper because I am an emotional person and I have all the rights in the world to eat and sleep because I am so emotional. My mom would’ve kicked my butt for this last statement because this is nothing but Nautanki for her. But EMOTIONS are something not all understands.
Right now I am munching on my chips and got a small 5star in front of me. After throwing all the wrappers in the bin (like a good girl) I will go to sleep as I need to go to work at 4:30.Ghosh! I am so sleepy. And yeah the new month is going to be fun for me; I am going on the losing-my-weight mission again. I am joining a gym. I had two options – Blackberry or Gym and I chose my health over a gadget! So generous of me, isn’t it?
P.S.: I am a ‘Big’ Bridget Jones’ Fan – so you know why I eat, drink and sleep and write all about it!
One thought on “Confession: I am an Emotional Eater”
I think of food 24/7! And I am nearing the level higher to obese! And unfortunately, one cannot wish… they have to get up, get out, work their asses of, and waste their time in some activity that keeps their mind occupied…