“I WANT TO BE ALONE, for GOD”S SAKE!” I have been a dominating bitch over years. I have been rude to people who were good to me but I hated them because they were too good! Being too good is good but not good enough! You know what I mean?
Ah well! So when my so-called friends, colleagues and cousins wanted to talk to someone, I was there! Without giving them advises, without judging them, I was just there! People like me can write a blog that would be read by UNKNOWN PEOPLE but saying my feelings or about my feelings to someone is DIFFICULT FOR ME! Reason being simple, THEY WON’T UNDERSTAND ME! There are some people who would call me CRAZY and WEIRD, and I do agree to that! I am a little bit crazy and weird!
Okay! Now the reason for this strange behavior isn’t heartbreak or the state of being UNEMPLOYED! It’s a simple reason! I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE! I know it’s really difficult to see your BFFs being alone and depressed and weird, but trust me, the alone ME TIME is so necessary for all. I have tried to be there for my friends, real close ones when they need me emotionally and they are too good to be there for me when I am in an emotional glitch. But that’s the only problem; I don’t want my BFF or anyone not even my mom to ask me a simple question, “what happened?” I just want to sit alone, watch the ROM-COM MOVIES, and do nothing. Maybe not even take a shower (duh! As it is I am going to be at home all alone! It doesn’t matter if I don’t shower for a day!)
You know at times, it’s necessary to just run away from everything and do nothing. My father used to say that’s LAME and a sign of you being COWARD! Well in that case I want to be lame and coward! My BFF just sent me a text saying I can have the ‘ME TIME’ I want and come out with something meaningful and useful this time, because it’s high time that I have been unnecessarily PATHETIC, DEPRESSED and MISERABLE… she has said some more things in the text that I didn’t quite understand, maybe would read the text once again with a cool head tomorrow or day after – whatever!
So the point here is, asking some alone time when you are just going through some unknown emotional pain difficult to get? I mean I am not asking for a CASTLE! Just some ‘ME TIME’! I guess the only option left now is switching off my mobile phone, because such ‘SO-NOT-HELPFUL-TEXTS’ from your BFF makes you more vulnerable! I mean is it too much to ask for? Even a hotel provides a ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ tag. Why are our friends so good that they can’t leave us alone for some time? I mean everyone wants that alone time – Sometime to think about nothing.
We women are so difficult to understand and mood swings happens to us most of the time! I mean my BFF’s zodiac is CANCER and this is the zodiac sign of people who face MOOD-SWINGS a lot! But me having one of those mood-swings is difficult for her to accept. Every person acts differently when it comes to being depressed or not feeling emotionally good. Most people decide to talk to a friend, while some go out with their lover. I have seen people even scribbling paper when they are depressed (literally scribbling!)… Hmm! I am the types who want to be ALONE and write a blog post like this! I want to be in my house with no one asking me what’s wrong with me. Obviously that’s not possible! My mom would reject that idea of me being quiet! So the best thing I do is not tell my mom that I am emotionally not so well. (I know moms are too good with assuming things and rather knowing things about their children! But trust me I am a good actor. My big loud Bengali laugh always works for me at this critical time to bluff someone about my emotional status!)
Ah! I realized that apart from me being alone even a quick post on my situation gives me some good relief. I have been rude to my BFF a lot today and she would agree on this when she reads it, but all I can do is tell her SORRY on my blog. I understand she was just trying to be good and help me, but that’s the problem with me, I don’t like good people when I am in an AWESOME MOOD (being sarcastic!)
What am I going to do NOW? I will just lie down with some good book and fall asleep when I have to, get up in the morning to have some TEA, because this headache is killing me right now, and I am too lazy to make tea now, so you know…
Now a note for my BFF, “I will be switching off my cell phone tomorrow, for the entire morning, because I want to sleep without any DISTURBANCE! So don’t act like a VOLCANO about to ERUPT when you find my phone switched off or message not getting delivered. Also, I am sorry but you have to understand that your BFF needs some alone time to just think about nothing, that makes me feel good. I am sure, you aren’t mad at me but if you are, I am sorry. But yes, I want to stay alone for some time! Hope you understand!”
So you know what I have exactly done: ‘I have stood up for myself.’ I am actually keeping my friendship and other relations on stake just because I want some PEACE of MIND! I need to flush out all the unnecessary emotional stress that’s leading me to nowhere! Now this is what I call is being ‘EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE!’ The exact words I am blabbering right now are “I DON’T CARE!”
P.S. This isn’t some psychological problem, as most of the pictures in the post would depict, its just a MOOD SWING!
- Depression and No Money : Worse Combination! (chaoticsoulzzz.wordpress.com)
- Mood Swings? Discover Balance. (menopausemaniac.com)
- just a swingin’ (onbeingmindful.wordpress.com)
- The Swing of Things (nhanfiction.wordpress.com)
- Whose Depression? (galaxybounce02rabbithole.wordpress.com)
- Being diagnosed, part 1 – schizoaffective disorder (moorestorms.com)
- Why Am I In Such A Bad Mood? (andriayanie.wordpress.com)